A Tough Decision

Written September 20^th

Two days ago I received a message stating that they were opening PC Japan for disaster relief.  From what I understood, they were looking for 5 volunteers from Asia, with a background in disaster relief, to leave their countries for their second year of service to go to Japan to help out there.  I didn’t know the capacity in which I would work (whether it be laborer, team leader, or behind the scenes somewhere), but I knew that this would be a job for me.  I have a history of working in disaster relief.  I have a desire to go into a torn area and help them rebuild, help them heal.  I knew that this was a job I wanted to apply for. 

I thought about it overnight.  I wanted to be sure that I was willing to give up my post in PC Thailand to move to Japan.  By morning I was sure.  I started to inquire on how to get the application to apply.  I reached out to my Peace Corps manager and fellow volunteers to find out how I could apply to this amazing opportunity; a Peace Corps job in a field I am truly interested in.  It wasn’t until I had done all of this that I discovered the truth.  The job was a hoax.  There was no such job, and I would not have the opportunity to go to Japan, to help out in relief efforts there.

Now, thinking back on it, I should have seen the signs.  I was weary at first about this position.  Japan is not a developing country.  In fact, in most areas, it is very developed.  But, in my mind, I had put that aside rationalizing that there are still undeveloped areas and with the tsunamis and earthquakes they have had in the recent past, maybe there was a need for Peace Corps, at least for a short while.  Another indication that it was fake was the link provided; it didn’t work.  Well, the link said it was for the new Peace Corps Thailand website.  I knew for a fact that the link provided was the old link, not the new so I went searching on the new site.  Because I am unfamiliar with the site, I figured the fact that I couldn’t find the post was because I was looking in the wrong areas.  I could go on, but as you can see, I began to rationalize every falsehood because I had hopes of doing something that mattered over there (not to say that there isn’t anything that needs to be done in Thailand).  I had a chance to do something fulfilling that could possibly help when I applied for future careers in that area down the line.  Of course, the dream was all in my head.

I haven’t told any of my PC friends yet, and they may never know if they don’t read my blog, but when I found out it was a false/fake/hoax posting for a position, I was devastated.  I played it off like it was a joke, because in reality, it was a good one, but for me, I took it personally.  Because this played right into my dreams and my hopes for my PC experience and it has made me think.

Since this occurred, I have had some conversations with friends and family back in the states about my decisions and what I am thinking about doing.  At this very moment, I feel like I would be content leaving PC and going back to the states.  At this very moment, I feel like the right decision for me would be to leave Peace Corps and explore other jobs/volunteer opportunities that fit the focus of where I want my life to head.  At this very moment, I feel finished. And…I am fine with that.

A month or two ago, I came to the realization that I was happy in Thailand.  I was content in my job, what I was doing/accomplishing, and I was sure I was going to be here the 27 months.  Now, thinking back, I am wondering if I was fooling myself.  Did I truly believe this, or was I just scared of failing, leaving early and disappointing myself and my community that I am in? 

I don’t know what my final decision is yet.  I don’t want to make a rash decision and regret it later on.  But, for now, I know that I would leave here with a free heart.  I know that if I left, I would feel the bourdon of leaving my community without a volunteer, without closure, and without ample explanation, but I have to weigh this against my happiness and my health.  I am going to think on this for a week or so before I make my decision.

I have tickets home for Christmas, but if my decision is to leave, I don’t know if it would be right to drag it out that long….

Written September 26^th

I can’t believe its only been a week since all of the above happened.  I keep thinking about my decision to stay or go day and night and I have started to stress myself out beyond belief.  I hardly slept last night because questions were roaming through my head at all hours.  I have talked to family, I have talked to friends, and I have thought long and hard.  This morning I woke up with a decision:  I am going home.  As soon as I knew what I was doing, I started to cry.  I couldn’t imagine leaving this beautiful country.  My Balot has started to tell everyone that I am his daughter, and the people in the community all wave and smile at me as I pass them by.  I am one of them, I am not just an outsider in the community anymore, I am part of the community.

 I came into work uneasy knowing that as soon as I told PC that I was leaving, I would have to call a meeting at my office and tell them…and I didn’t know how I was going to do that.  To call my manager at Peace Corps and to be sure that I wouldn’t be interrupted, I went home to make the phone call.  I poured my heart out to my manager, with each sentence it broke a little more with what I was saying, what I was doing.  She understood, and then started to ask me questions.  She asked me what I do on a regular basis, how I am helping with the flooding, projects that I may have been thinking of or started.  She explained to me that although I didn’t feel productive, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything other than just being there, that I was making a difference.  Thai people, unlike most Americans, can find the intangibles.  They acknowledge that there are things in the works that they cannot see, and they know that things are changing without seeing the results.  She explained that I have made a difference, I AM making a difference, and if I choose to stay, I will continue to do so. 

It started me thinking and I got more confused.  I got off  the phone with her more confused than ever.  I was back where I was a week ago, not knowing what to do.  I called my sister and again burst out crying (you know, I never used to cry…this is not a side of me I am enjoying) again.  I told her what had happened and how I was feeling.  Again I received advice.  The thing that I took back from it the most was that I needed to think about, and maybe rethink my reasons for wanting to leave.  Is the job the only reason?  Is there more?  Am I just done with PC and want to go home, just because I am ready to move on with my life?  Could it be that simple?  I started this process when I was 23-24 years old and now I am about to turn 27.  That is quite a few years between when I started to apply for my dream job and when I actually got it…did I grow so much in that time, that this is no longer my dream?  Am I ready to give up this one and go onto the next?  This is my next project to figure out.  I spoke with the PC doctor and got a couple days medical leave so I can think about all of this outside of my community; outside the realm of Peace Corps.  I am headed up to Chiang Mai tomorrow morning for a couple days of peace and relaxation.  Hopefully, while I am there, I can sort a few things out…hopefully.

October 3^rd

It’s official.  I am leaving Peace Corps.  I called my manager this morning then sent a follow-up email to the country director.  We have been emailing a little back and forth this morning, and now I am just waiting to hear more about the procedure that I have to go through to officially end my time here in Thailand. 

Chiang Mai gave me the opportunity to take a step back from my situation, from my village, and from the pressures of living in a different country.  I spent my time there walking around, exploring the city, sitting down in  Starbucks for a cup of coffee and thinking about my time here in Thailand and where I want to go from here.  It was during all of this that I came to the realization that I am truly ready to leave.  I am ready to close out this chapter of my life and start on the next.  I am confident in my decision and where I am headed after this is all through.  I know its going to be hard, and there are going to be times where I wonder if I made the right decision, but I know this is right. 

I have loved my time in Peace Corps and in Thailand.  If I had a chance to go back and rethink about my decision to join, I would accept the invitation again in a heart beat.  This experience is what has brought me to where I am today.  It has given me a focus for where I want to go from here.  It has helped me center my life.  I was lost when I started this journey.  I didn’t know where I wanted to go, who I was going to become, or even who I was.  My time here has given me the opportunity to explore all of this and think about where my life is headed.  I feel like it is time to explore the opportunities that I have thought about these last few months.  My time in Peace Corps is done. 

I almost wish that it took me longer to figure this all out just so I could finish out my time here, but because it didn’t happen that way, I feel driven to move forward.  I will never forget my time here, and I would recommend Peace Corps to anyone looking for an adventure; someone who wants to help others and explore who they are.  This experience has been invaluable to me and I will remember it forever.

I have yet to say good-bye to my community.  Over the next couple of days I will be packing and saying my good-byes.  I am sure more tears will make their way down my face and I will question my decision as it becomes even more final.  I will head to Bangkok with my two bags that I initially carried with me from Washington in January and I will leave one section of my leave and start another…a new adventure.

Beauty in Northern Thailand

Deep breath. Mmmm. Fresh air. I had forgotten how beautiful Thailand is. My home is in a flat area; a small town. We are missing much of the vegetation and beauty that flows through the rest of Thailand. But, on my bus ride up to Nan, I began to remember. Looking out the window, watching strands of water streak across the side of the bus, I saw mountains of lush green, dips where rivers and streams flowed through. Clouds hovered just below the tops of the mountains hiding some of the beauty that lay beneath. Jumping off of the bus, I took a deep breath. I noticed that I was not hot. In fact, it was almost chilly…almost. The sticky humidity that I feel day in and out was left at my site…yes, I love Northern Thailand.
It took me 11 hours to get to Nan (9 of those riding the bus) and I ended up staying for 3 full days teaching at an English camp. Each day we had a different age group that we were teaching and we adapted our lessons to match. The first day, I taught 1-3^rd graders about fruit. We played a game where they would run up to the board and attempt to be the first one to slap the fruit that I would call out. The 2^nd day we taught 4-6^th graders and the 3^rd was 7-9^th graders. In both of these sessions, I was in charge of teaching them about clothes. In this class, after teaching them the words, I would have the kids run to the front of the room and put on the clothes that I would call out (skirt, bra, boxers, pants, shirt, etc…) and then have them tell me what they are wearing. What was interesting to see was that the 4-6^th graders actually knew more English than the 7-9^th graders. When I asked about this, I learned that many of the older students were actually from the local hill tribes and they were only able to come to this school when space was available. Often times, openings were not available until the students were older, so they were not educated the same, or in English, like they would be if they were able to join the school at a younger age.

This is a picture of me and one of the students after she put on some of the clothes. *Yes, I was holding up the peace sign…it's a thing in Thailand
This English Camp was super fun. My host, a volunteer named Megan, served us French toast with syrup, Cereal, Jello Shots, Apples, seedless grapes, chocolate chip cookies, etc…delicious. She also had a local coffee shop that made pretty good coffee.
Since Chiang Mai was only a little ways away, I decided to wake up early the day after the camp and head over there on my way home since a few other volunteers had to go through there as well. Once there, I headed straight for Starbucks and sat there reading my book for an hour or so. I was about 30 minutes into it when I looked up and started to listen…I could understand every conversation in the place…everyone was speaking English. Definitely an American moment. We also at an amazing salad place…I haven't had a good salad in 8 months…AMAZING. And, of course, I had to pick up my farang essentials on my way out at the local farang store.
I was only in Chiang Mai for a very short trip, but it is a beautiful city. It is very easy to get around either by walking or song taew and everything is much cheaper there than BKK. I purchased a silver ring and earrings made by the local Karen tribe and I picked up a silver (maybe fake) bracelet with elephants on it from a local shop. It was a good day. I can't wait to go back there and hang out again.
Now, it's back to my real life. After catching up on some much needed sleep, I hope to spend a couple evenings this week with the poo-soon-ayu group (elderly group) and join them for their Thai Chai and meditation. After a few weeks of getting to know the elderly in my community, I hope to start in on one of my projects I designed with my Balot.

The Up Side of Things

I'm closing in on my first month in my new home. Reflecting back on this month, I can feel much of the stress, fear, and that feeling of being trapped being washed away by feelings of relief, comfort, and content. That pull telling me that I am not where I am supposed to be, that pull that tells me to leave, to explore other opportunities is muted. Don't get me wrong, it is still there, in the background ready to jump out shouting on a dreary day, but it is controlled, it is domesticated. I feel myself smiling, not because I am obligated to, but because I really want to. I feel freer than I have ever felt in Thailand. As much as I love Thailand, and the culture of family and togetherness that the Thai's all hold so dear, it isn't something that I am comfortable practicing every day, every moment of my life. I am independent. I need my space, my time alone to reflect, be myself, and just take a breath. My house has given me this. It is my haven that is mine alone. I don't have to share this space with anyone else; I don't have to worry about someone else's feelings or views if I choose to sit on the floor feet sticking out in a tank-top and underwear eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner.

Seven months with host families has reinforced what I already knew; I cannot live with groups of people. Back when I was attempting to find affordable apartments in Seattle, people used to tell me too find a place with a roommate. They told me it would be cheaper; much easier on me and my bank account. I would tell them that this would not be possible. I cannot live with people. When I live with someone else, I want to cater to them. I try to make sure they are comfortable, that they like the living arrangement without thinking about what I want. I need to be selfish when it comes to living arrangements; I need to live alone.

Work is much better as well. Since coming back from Reconnect in the beginning of July my desk has been moved to my Balot's office so we can get to know each other better. We can carry on simple conversations and are able to joke around with each other now. Often, he takes me out to lunch. He has tried to take me to various restaurants in the area so I can get a feel of what eat one has. Most of the time, he ends up paying for it as well saying that I am a dek-dek (child) so it would not be right for me to pay. Although, this is slightly demeaning to me, I enjoy the fact that I can save up a little bit more money. I pay him back by buying him ice cream or coffee every once in a while. I have started to travel around for English Camps, helping out fellow volunteers. I may be travelling far to the north for my next English camp. I am on the Thai Youth Theater Committee and am helping to put on a 3 day conference that will take place at the end of January. I have also started my first project at site that I am hoping to flourish in the next month or so. I feel like I am finally accomplishing something, doing something for my community, the people of Thailand instead of just sitting around for months on end waiting for something to come to light.

Now, don't get me wrong. I still have many moments where I question why I am here; what I am doing. I still wonder if I will be able to accomplish something that I will be proud of in the two years that I am placed in Bangrakam. I wonder if this is still for me. Do I still have the drive to do this for another year and a half? Even though I am much more content with my life, I still find myself search for alternatives. I have looked at a VISTA program in New York that looks amazing, orphanage projects in Thailand and Africa that could definitely be fulfilling, and I have thought about going back to school. I don't think 1 month and a house and relieve the doubts and fears that have been roaming through my head for 7 months. I don't believe that these doubts will ever be completely gone for the duration of my service, but I do believe, that my downward slump is slowly looking up. I have things to look forward to, things to strive for and be excited about. And, I have to remember, just being here could make a difference, some change that I am not even aware of.

I am ready to take on my role (whatever that is). I am ready to commit time and effort into each day that I am here.

 

September 5^th

I just came back from a 3 day conference and am about to add another project (or 4) to my list of things to do. The conference was about Project Design and Management. My Balot joined me at the conference, along with 14 other volunteers and their counterparts, in designing a project surrounding the elderly in my area. In the next year, we want to help the elderly create and run 5 occupational groups to help generate income. We also want to put into place monthly check-up with the local hospital for the elderly as well as an exercise program. From my end, I also want to enable the elderly, as well as other villagers, with diabetes, to have a way to get their blood sugar checked once a day. Currently, diabetics are only able to get this checked 1x per month. There are so many projects that I will hopefully be able to help put into place surrounding the elderly in my village. I hope I am able to get it all done and find someone to continue on with it all once I leave.

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You will never guess what I got to eat in BKK this weekend. Mexican!!!! I haven't had Mexican in 8 months and this weekend I went to two (yes, I said two) fabulous Mexican restaurants in Bangkok. What did I eat you might ask…a lot. Here is the breakdown: Chips and salsa, queso (2x), chicken enchiladas, chicken quesadilla, guacamoles, pitchers of margaritas, nachos…all super delicious. You don't know how amazing Mexican food tastes until you had to wait so long to eat it. Mouth watering amazingness.

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Last week, while sandbagging in my community, I had one of my fun, everything goes bright then black moments. This one was a little scarier than previous ones that I had because I was in the middle of sand, people, and I had mud trying to keep me from walking away from it all with each step that I took. I hadn't told anyone in my village about these blacking out incidences because I didn't want them to worry about me. So, when this did happen in the group of people, I wasn't able to explain what was going on or get assistance. As soon as I felt the pressure in my head and the faces of the people in front of me began to wash out into brightness, I quickly attempted to make my exit. Everything turned out fine, but I sent another email to the Peace Corps doctor anyways. We talked on the phone for 10 minutes on Friday and decided to just continue to monitor what is happening. He is pretty positive that there is nothing too serious occurring and that the tests that I would have to go through to discover what is going on would be more stressful and tiring than my episodes themselves. If in a few months, the number of incidences progresses, or there are changes in my symptoms, he will have me head back to Bangkok and start a series of tests. For now, mai-bpen-rai (no worries).

 

What do I have coming up:

-Present my findings for my Ovitrap test that I did on my own

-Go to Chiang Mai on a bpai-tiao (vacation) in two weekends – maybe

-Work an English Camp in N. Thailand for 5 days

-Start working on my projects for the Elderly

-Start running to get ready for my Ocean to Ocean Relay http://www.runningthailand.net/index-eng.php

-Work on the PCPP (financial) application to get funding for the Thai Youth Theater Conference

-Write a letter to a 1^st grade class in Vancouver, WA describing my experience in PC so far

 

Whew!!! September looks like it is going to be a busy month. Things are going well….life is good. I think I was told today that I will be switching offices (again) and moving across town to the community development office. I don't know if I totally understood what they were saying, but if I understood correctly, I can soon walk to work if I want because my office will be about 500m from my house.

Right now, I am enjoying my raspberry lemonade (Thanks Amanda) at my desk looking out the window waiting for the first drops of rain to pass by. There is a wind, a particular wind, in Thailand that you just know will lead to rain within minutes. When the leaves start blowing a certain way, flags dance around their poles in a particular fashion, and branches wave at you with a certain sway, women run out of their homes to collect the drying laundry, children run into their homes to wait for the rain to cease, and umbrellas are donned by most people you see. This is the wind that I know is blowing outside of my window. The sky is rumbling in response to the wind. The building shakes a little with each reply the thunder gives. Rain? Where are you? I know you will be here soon….(30 sec later)…There it is.

3.5 Months until I had home on a short vacation!!! Can't wait!! Food, friends, and family!!!

Ovitraps and Flooding

To start building an Ovitrap, you have to remove the top off of
1.5 L pop bottles and spray paint them black

You wrap a piece of black cloth around a piece of bamboo
and attach it with thumbtacks (not an easy task).  Then, you roll the cloth over the top of the bambo (as seen above) and use a bow saw to cut the bamboo so it is only about 1.5 inches thick

These pictures both show the inside of the Ovitrap.  A nylon screen has been attached to the bamboo and the cloth is attached to the outside of the pop bottles.

An ovitrap works by filling the bottle with water to right under the screen.  Because the cloth goes down into the bottle, it will become damp and the entire cloth will get wet as the water seeps up the sides of the cloth.  Mosquitoes will be attracted to the device, because it will be placed in a dark area and they like to lay their eggs on dark, damp surfaces.  They will lay their eggs on the cloth.  When the eggs hatch, the larva will drop through the the screen into the water.  When the larva matures, the mosquitoes will be too large to fit back up through the screen and will die.

My first picture of flooding.  The flooding is now higher than the blue and white striped roof.  I went boating through this area last week.

All of these homes are on stilts or are floating homes.  The water path between the homes used to be a road

You can see the reflection of water inside the home.  Although they have a makeshift path to get them to the street, they cannot avoid the water in their own home

The Floods are Here

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the water blanketing the road in front of me. Less than a week ago I was able to ride my bike down this street without getting wet. Now, it would take a lot of effort just to peddle my bike through the current that swept across the road, and I am sure I would have many people running out of their homes shouting "mai daai, mai daai!" (You can't go through there). I am sitting in the cab of a truck heading out to deliver medicine to the elderly who are trapped in their homes because of the flooding. The back of the truck is filled with boxes of medicine that my office is donating to the people in the villages. There are about 10 of us going out today to three of our communities to give these items.

At first, it is not too difficult. The water is only about 4 inches deep in most places, and as long as you are wearing sandals and roll up your pants you are good to go. It isn't until we reach the home where their makeshift walkway sinks down 2 feet that I begin to see just how much the water has risen in just a short week. The owner of the home had to boat out to the road so we could hand her the package. We move on from this village and go to the next. Instead of taking the truck, we decide to go on foot. The road is clear and dry to it is easy to trek down the road. You would think that this community is in good order, at least for the next couple of weeks, until you look more closely at their homes. Many of the homes are set lower than the road. Water coats the floors and threatens to rise higher towards beds and tables. Belongings have all been stacked near doorways so they could easily be removed from the homes. As we walk further down the road, I notice that there are tents set up blocking any vehicle from passing around them (these are tents that are used for parties, not camping tents). As I get closer, I realize these tents are now two families homes. Their homes, which are right across the road, are covered in water. The tents hold all of their belongings. Beds have been set up, kitchens have been prepped, and even the refrigerators have their place in the middle of the road. In a couple of weeks (if not in even less time), the water will rise again, and these families will probably have to move for a second time.

It is at this point that we board a boat to reach our final communities that we are going to see today. We have to walk through about 2 feet of water to get to the boat at this point. We all have life jackets, but as I look into the faces of those in the boat with me is see apprehension drawn across each one. I ask if anyone knows how to swim. Heads shake and hands grip the seats as the boat rocks. I try to ease their worries by telling them that I can swim and I will save them if they fall out, but I might have made the situation worse by even mentioning that there was a possibility of falling out of the boat. Oops! It takes me a while to realize where we are once we reach the destined village. We have already gone to 6 houses before I realize that 4 months ago, I went to a meeting and introduced myself to the people of the community in an open yawn that was now 8 feet below the water level. Here, the first stories of homes were no longer visible below the surface of the water. I can barely make out where I believe the road used to be. In most places in this village, the water is between 8-10 feet deep (that is my guess at least). Most of the homes on stilts look like they are just sitting on the water; stilts no longer visible. Dogs sit at the water's edge on porches and cats climb across the roofs of homes. Chickens are left in cages on landings or they have been left further up the road where the waters haven't reached yet. Again, I cannot believe that the water has risen so quickly in just a few short days.

On our way to our final village, we pass under a bridge and have to duck low in the boat to avoid the power lines which are about 2 feet above the water. Here I see entire homes underwater forcing the families out. But, I also see children playing in the water, and men attempting to fix up their homes as they stand in the water. Where we deliver most of our supplies, it is only about 5 feet deep. We make our way through and deliver most of our supplies. After 4 hours in the flood zones we are finally done.

This picture was taken about a week ago.  The bushes you see right at the front of the picture are no longer visible and the blue and white stripped roof on the left side is now covered in water.

I mention all of this because I know people back home are reading about my adventures in Thailand. Everything, the good, bad, fun, and sad times. I want to explain about what goes on in my Tambon and how the people are affected by it. These floods occur every year. Every year families are displaced. They loose possessions, are forced from their homes, and then must go back and clean up the mess that was created by the floods. These families, many of them, live in homes where the walls are made from the tin that roofs are made of. Large pieces of cracked wood make up the floor. Many do not have air conditioning and are forced to use only fans to cool themselves in our hottest time of year. I am amazed at how good spirited all of the people are. Every person that I met yesterday greeted me with a smile. Every person thanked us for the medicine and wished us luck on the rest of our journey for the day. It was amazing to see such hope in a situation that, to me, seemed so dire. If I came across flooding like this in the states, I don't think I would see the smiles, hope, and good spirits as I see here in Thailand. We still have a few more months of the rainy season with more and more rain getting ready to pour down. I am told that September is the month that we have the worst flooding. With the way that things are going now, I am sure that there are going to be many more misplaced families before the end of the season.


 
In other news, I just came back from an English Camp in Noen Maprang (still Phitsanulok) this last weekend where we painted a large world map on the side of a school. We were working with 10-12 year olds and teaching them about geography. It was a ton of fun but SUPER tiring. After doing laundry yesterday, I was finally able to catch up on my sleep. I leave on Friday for another geography English Camp in Wang Sai Phun, Phichit. We won't be painting a map in this one, but it is a two day, overnight camp. I have already warned my office that I may be sleeping on Monday because I will be so exhausted from the camp. I am excited to get the experience though, because I will be creating a camp for my village in the near future.

A picture from the English camp.  I'm not in it but you can see the world map that was painted in the background

I finally have almost all of my supplies together for my Ovitrap project to trap and control the mosquito population. Today and tomorrow I will be building these traps and having my Balot test them out in his home. At the end of this month, I am headed out to Korat for a conference to help me create a project out of these Ovitraps. If all goes well and my community likes them, I may be spending September or October teaching people about them and helping them make them. The Ovitraps will allow people in my village control the mosquito population without using the chemical sprays that are normally used. Also, it will trap the mosquito larva that the people like to use as bait for fish. So really, my project is good for two things, mosquitos and fishing…win, win.

New house and bugs

New house.  New bed.  New sheets.  New fan.  What more can one ask for?  Last night, after sitting down to eat two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and taking a much needed ap-naam (shower), I headed up to my room for some R&R.  I spent an hour and a half earlier this evening washing all of my clothes and attempting to find random places to hang them around my house to dry since I don’t have anywhere to really do that…it was time to relax for the night; read a book, watch some shows.  I read for a while and then sat down to watch a couple episodes of Californication. 

I’m chillin’ in my bed, my fan blowing across my face as it turns from one side of the room to the other, when I see a bug on my computer screen.  I quickly kill it (sorry, Thailand) and continue watching.  It is a short time later that I have to brush another bug off my arm, then my face, and then another two on my computer.  What is going on?  I sit up in bed.  Holy cr*p!  There are little dark spots – bugs – all over my bed.  Not just a couple, but at least 100.  Then I look up.  My entire wall by my light is coated in these little bugs hopping over one another in attempts to be the closest one to the light. 

I grabbed a pillow case I wasn’t using and quickly went to work at killing as many of these suckers that I could on my bed and brushing them off. With each swipe of the towel more bugs came to take the place of the ones I just removed. Ugh!  Not fun.  Where are they coming from?  I get up from my bed and look around.  Ever step squishes more and more bugs, grinding them into my feet.  Finally, I reach my windows, my screened windows.  Armies of tiny bugs are attacking my screens searching for an entrance to my room.  These bugs are small enough to fit through the tiny spaces in the screens and they are slowly making their ways through the open slots.

I know immediately that it is my light that is causing them to all want to enter my home.  I look out into the street and see that my light shines the brightest on the entire block.  I quickly turn off my light in hopes that will drive the bugs to my dimly lit window and out of my house.  The bugs immediately set out for my computer screen.  I turn that off.  And then, I am laying on my bed, huddled under my blanket hoping that swarms of bugs are not meeting on my bed for another attack. 

Bored.  It’s been about 30 minutes sitting in the dark.  Its about 8:30.  I’m not tired, not ready to sleep, but I can’t turn my computer back on.  Instead I decide to try a tiny flashlight and read a book.  Not even a minute into reading I already have 4 bugs roaming around the outside of my kindle.  Light out.   Time to count some sheep.

This morning:  I wake up to hundreds of dead bugs coating all surfaces of my room.  Time to do some cleaning.

Next night:  I was sooo tired from not sleeping well the night before I fell asleep at 730pm.  No bugs entered my room!!! YAY!!! And, I woke up this morning and almost all of my clothes are dry!!! Double YAY!!!

Update on the flooding:

Today, I took a couple bike rides around my Tambon with my Balot and my Ron Nayok.  We had a few days of constant rain and the water from northern Thailand if finally making its way to Bangrakam.  There are two sections of my village that now have some slight flooding with the river covering the road and houses cut off.  We were able to bike through one section where the water was about 4 inches deep but were told that we should not attempt to bike through the other part of town where the water was deeper.  Families have started to build make shift walkways 2-4 feet off the ground to battle to coming flood, but eventually, even those might not be high enough off the ground. 

When I come back from Bangkok I will attempt to take some pictures of the areas so everyone can see what is going on. 

Oh, and I now have a project to work on!!! Ovitraps to help get rid of the mosquito infestation.  We have already had at least 2 people in Bangrakam come down with Dengue so I proposed a device that another volunteer is implementing in his area.  They love the idea.  I hopefully will be part of a workshop at the end of the month to help put together the project idea and implementation of it, but if not, at least I know what I will be working on for a little while…and by then, it will be time for me to start thinking about a leadership and empowerment came that I want to do for the youth early next year…then, it will be time for the Thai Youth Theater festival that I am helping to organize…slowly but surely, I am getting more work to do.

Apparently, a tropical storm hit Vietnam a couple of days ago, so now the rain is being passed onto Thailand.  It rained all day yesterday.  Not that I am complaining; It forced me to work on my packing and allowed me to stay in all day watching movies (with my A/C on, of course).  Today, moving day, the rain has let up a little.  We have had some sprinkles here and there, but overall, it’s a nice cool breezy day…a day that I could LOVE if I didn’t have so much laundry to do.  Ugh!  I should have missed a little work last week to get it done in the nice washing machine on a hot sunny day…but no.  I thought I would put it off until the weekend…the cool, rainy weekend…bad idea.  So, now I am moving into my house with dirty clothes.  Luckily, my Balot and I went and bought buckets and scrub brushes to wash my clothes with so I have those ready when I need them.

So, I didn’t get the cute little house on the corner with no walls.  Instead, I am moving into a 4 story row house.  Yes, I said 4 stories.  It is huge.  I won’t use the 1^st or 4^th floor very often though as they are filled with the landlords items.  Instead, I mainly will inhabit the 2^nd (the loft area) and 3^rd floor.  The loft is a great area because with the front “door” open and the ceiling fan on, you get a nice breeze.  I was given two chairs by my Balot so I can sit out there and drink coffee in the mornings or read books in the afternoons.  The 3^rd floor is where my bedroom is.  The room itself is enclosed and windows screened so I don’t have to worry about bugs or mosquitoes.  My Nayok bought me a bed, sheets, and a pillow for my room.  So far, I have nowhere to put my clothes, so that is going to be an interesting experiment (although I bought many hangers today).  People are going to flip out if they see them stacked on the floor around the edges of my room. 

Outside of my room there is another large room with a bathroom (no shower) attached to it.  This is what I am going to call my exercise room.  I am going to buy a yoga mat and hopefully start doing some P90X in the near future.  Other than that, it will be a room that will be a lot of fun to run and slide down in a pair of socks. 

The 4^th floor is full of my landlords stuff, but there is a door that leads out to the roof.  On a cool day, I could probably sit on the roof and feel the breeze flowing by.  On a hot day, it is where I am going to be drying all of my clothes (once again, not sure how that is going to go down yet as I have nothing to hang my clothes on). 

People have been super nice giving me a bed, blanket (I had a choice of light blue, dark blue, or leopard print), pillow, sheets, cups, broom, mop, and various cleaning supplies.  I have purchased: 2 washing buckets, hangers, hanger clips (for socks and underwear), laundry basket, fan (I think I will buy another one, but they are expensive), and a fridge.  I have spent a TON of money…I think it comes out to 5800 baht almost $200.  That is about a month and a half of rent. 

What do I still need to buy:  racks to hang my clothes, shelves, hot plate, lamp, plates, bowls, pan, cooking utensils, dish towel, curtains, extension cords…and then I get to carry it all back to my place on my bike…sometimes, I really miss my car.

I’m super excited to spend my first night at my place tonight.  It’s going to be strange having that big ‘ol house all to myself.  OH wait…I forgot…the bathrooms.  The one upstairs is a toilet only.  There is one on the first floor, though, that is bath and shower…bucket shower, and both bathrooms are squat toilets.  Guess I’ll be working out my leg muscles for the next two years.

Update:  Last night, my bucket shower was heavenly.  I felt so gross after carrying everything around, and attempting to set up things without A/C is no fun on a humid day.  But, my shower felt amazing…until I got out and started sorting again only to realize I was going to need another shower before going to bed.  Oh well.  I slept well and only woke up once in the middle of the night to someone slamming their door while a very loud motorcycle drove by.  I woke up at 6am to birds singing, people talking, and the sun glaring in through my window since I have no curtains.  All in all, a good first night.

This weekend I am heading into BKK for a Thai Youth Theater meeting.  I am leaving Thursday night and will be home Sunday afternoon.  Next week is a 4 day week because it is the Queen’s birthday on Friday, but I will be headed to another volunteer’s site and be working an English Camp there on Saturday.  We are going to be talking about geography and painting a world map – something we will be doing at my site in the future.

My bed with awesome sheets.  The too small blanket is actually towel material

The front of my house.  Hopefully you can get an idea
of how my front doors open...you can open them across the
entire front of the house.  The 4 open window are my bedroom

1st and 2nd floors of my house.  The door in the back
leads to my creepy alley.  That is where I will do my laundry
and dishes

My loft area with my lonely fridge

3rd floor.  Open space.  Balcony in the back and my bathroom is right next to it

Upstairs bathroom.  No shower, but there is a bucket shower on the first floor

4th floor.  No room for any of my things here

It was raining so I didn't want to go outside.  This is on the 4th floor roof.  This is where I will be drying my laundry

My bedroom